so this is it ...yr leaving....sigh...i know someday im gonna loose u...just matter of time....i know u had yr reason...that's why i wont say anything much in front of u...sigh...i wish u know how i felt for u..like yeah...i didn't throw it away......my heart keeps on crying...felt really weak but i must not show it..i really wish things just...different....like....i wish i could..........never mind...its worthless...say it in here doesn't make things turns around.....i saw u post a video n saying for someone that special deep inside u...i just look at it...n i know....but...who cares...im not that someone...im just...what i am always to u....i wish i could be that person...but i know im not...i wish i could stop this madness but i cant...sigh...all yr lovers before give u almost everything u one from a lover....just one thing that they don't have...understanding u...yeah sure they say they understand but...after awhile look what happen.....sigh.....u don't know how i felt...even tho i had rights to tell it but i know u wont want to hear it....i lie to u bout my feelings and for that im sorry but its for ur own good...i lie to u so that u'll be happy n at ease...don't worry u wont know....n i'll be carry this lie for the rest of my life....its just one of the things that i need to bear with me...everything has a cost....n loving u from far n silence are one of it....don't blame yourself its not ur fault....its mine....totally mine.....u said people want me n want to be around me because im smart...but the real things is i want to be with u n around u..sigh....my hearts cry....tearing...but i wont say it....i just kept it secret...maybe till i die...i still loving u.....who knows only god.....im doing it so that u wont stay away from me...because i know once u know bout it again....im gonna lost u....u gonna stay really far away from me....sigh....but either way u are going far away from me....i wont see u much now....u need to focus whats is shud be ur priority....ur health....i need to understand this....i dont want to be selfish....its for ur own good...dear god..help me...why i even born...what is my purpose?...to love the girl that i like secretly n a far?....im not damn lucky guys....its really hurt rite now...ur leaving ....im here.....i just dont want to loose u...i know u said to me that u dont want us to lost each other just because of this matter but..hey dont worry no one or u wont know bout it...just this blog n me....idk if i can become heartless.....my eyes still hasnt change...its still see u...sigh.....i guess this is it....im gonna pray for u everyday every time that i can...even thot u wont remember me again...even thot u wont even know me again...u wont know what going to happen in future n so does i.....sigh...-cant write anymore need time-