so this is it ...yr leaving....sigh...i know someday im gonna loose u...just matter of time....i know u had yr reason...that's why i wont say anything much in front of u...sigh...i wish u know how i felt for u..like yeah...i didn't throw it away......my heart keeps on crying...felt really weak but i must not show it..i really wish things just...different....like....i wish i could..........never mind...its worthless...say it in here doesn't make things turns around.....i saw u post a video n saying for someone that special deep inside u...i just look at it...n i know....but...who cares...im not that someone...im just...what i am always to u....i wish i could be that person...but i know im not...i wish i could stop this madness but i cant...sigh...all yr lovers before give u almost everything u one from a lover....just one thing that they don't have...understanding u...yeah sure they say they understand but...after awhile look what happen.....sigh.....u don't know how i felt...even tho i had rights to tell it but i know u wont want to hear it....i lie to u bout my feelings and for that im sorry but its for ur own good...i lie to u so that u'll be happy n at ease...don't worry u wont know....n i'll be carry this lie for the rest of my life....its just one of the things that i need to bear with me...everything has a cost....n loving u from far n silence are one of it....don't blame yourself its not ur fault....its mine....totally mine.....u said people want me n want to be around me because im smart...but the real things is i want to be with u n around u..sigh....my hearts cry....tearing...but i wont say it....i just kept it secret...maybe till i die...i still loving u.....who knows only god.....im doing it so that u wont stay away from me...because i know once u know bout it again....im gonna lost u....u gonna stay really far away from me....sigh....but either way u are going far away from me....i wont see u much now....u need to focus whats is shud be ur priority....ur health....i need to understand this....i dont want to be selfish....its for ur own good...dear god..help me...why i even born...what is my purpose?...to love the girl that i like secretly n a far?....im not damn lucky guys....its really hurt rite now...ur leaving ....im here.....i just dont want to loose u...i know u said to me that u dont want us to lost each other just because of this matter but..hey dont worry no one or u wont know bout it...just this blog n me....idk if i can become heartless.....my eyes still hasnt change...its still see u...sigh.....i guess this is it....im gonna pray for u everyday every time that i can...even thot u wont remember me again...even thot u wont even know me again...u wont know what going to happen in future n so does i.....sigh...-cant write anymore need time-

untitle

hmm..love sacrifice for him, u told me....n yeah i know how that felt....yeah i know its hurts....coz im doing in every single second....every day...24/7....u just dont know.....coz i never told u...im hide it...even my feelings for u....yes...i lie to u by saying that i throw it away...im sorry for lying to u...its funny.....when comes to loving someone so much...u do almost everything for them..even lie to them bout yr feeling so that they can be happy...sacrifice love...yeah....i cant tell bout how i felt for u after what happen last time i told u...im gonna be paranoid again..sometimes im at the limit of telling u bout it....but i try hold back...that's why this blog are born....cant tell u bout the existing of this blog...im afraid if u know..u gonna walk away from me..maybe ur ex words were right...in a dream u are real...but in real...u are a dream......yeah some people say probably u come back...but..i just cant accept ur leaving me this soon....even thought we know each other more than a year already..still..-sigh-... every time i look at ur picture i felt ease...every time im with u im just felt like...-sigh-...its just cant come out with words...i know u dont want me to see u..face 2 face..because u afraid of me getting more fond to u...u afraid im gonna say those 143 words..which gonna make us felt difference...look loosing u was just like loosing the other half of me...thats why i try my best to make u stay...n that's why i try my best not to tell u how i felt...i always pray for u...everywhere in my hearts..there's u....

hmm...idk why but...sometimes i felt angry but...i cant tell it or express it...not infront of u that is...coz ur the only person i cant be mad with......i want to tell u something but..i just cant..i know u in confusion rite now....i know u trying to make urself happy....look i know what u wanna do n tell me...ur trying to protect me from her...coz u think shes using me....i know....by the way u say it i know from the start u dont like her....but who else i have?...u n her only..shes bz n only sometimes with me...u always with me but yet...just ur body not ur soul n mind...its elsewhere...but yeah u would deny it....look...im sorry for what i did...i really am...i really wanna make it up to u....but staying away is the really hardest thing.....but...if u keep on wanting it...then for ur happiness..i cant do anything...but..just to agree with it...feels like u wanna stay away from me.....like i really bring u problem in ur life....idk...look all i do is protecting u too...idk...right now im sure in ur eyes all that i do is wrong for u....n im sorry for it......sometimes i felt 'sebak' but i wont tell it to anybody else...no one knows it...if i really am bring problem to u..just say it....i try to correct myself....just dont leave me...thats all i ask....people ask me to move on....but i just cant....yeah those who couple with u always say ur perfect...yeah u are...probably ur perfect because u can complete the other half of them....all i can do is watch...thats all i can.....i am a useless guy arent i?......sigh..wish i could do more that can make u happy

i know u cant forgive to a person like me... i know rite now u wish u were never met me....i know u are confuse rite now....whether to hate me or love me...whether to push me away or take me back..
but i want u to know that what im write in here are the truth the sincerity from my heart...i wish u to take me back...i wish i can wash away what i had done....but what had been done is dont...just i want u to know..thats...im trying my best to make it up to u..no matter what, hope u understand because i try my best...n i am understand u from the first time we met...till now...just dont go away from me

day by day...i see u become different towards me....u less talk with me, u less seeing me or sometimes its look like u avoiding me...sometimes i see like u wish im not there right now...are u trying to push me slowly?....sometimes the word u use...feels like u dont ever want to talk with me...keep quiet....the silent...argghh...idk whats going on with me anymore....i think i become paranoid...o.0

can u pliss tell me...is it what i say is true or its just my feeling?:/

The Poor Hearts

this poor old hearts cant take it without u here....this poor old heart wants u don't care in what shape are u in, this poor hearts had been always with u from the start...this poor old hearts.wants u like u never imagine...it dont care what u think of it....it never care what people think...all its want to do was for u to be happy...for as long it can live while u there at its side...the hearts knows..its worth it till the very end

im sorry :\

sorry for making u cry... sorry for making u mad....wish i could turn back time...which i know its a silly thing....i know i cant change things back with just words...i know i cant make u even want me back...i know what i did is wrong... i know that i had betray the trust that been given to me by u....but know this....i will do anything just to make it up for u...i'll do anything just to wash those tears away.. I'll do anything even just watch u by far n see that u are happy....just dont ever leave me..because...without u.....im just nothing :\

The Unspoken Hearts

i know i cant be urs n u know u cant be with me, as we do what we always do, our hearts only ours can be known,idk bout urs but i know bout my heart n i know tis is true, tho i cant say in words n cant put it in sentece, i cant love u like normal people does, coz the only think im afraid was loosing a person such as u, which can break the hearts that been build for years, the last thing i dont want to do is up sad u or even make u cry, all i can do is comfort u, all i can do is love u from far..let one only knows while others dont,see ur smile had make my day, see ur laughter brings joy to me,..but never the less u shall not bout what is content in my heart...the heart that love u....the Unspoken Hearts

Things bout u

u had a face which make people love to look, ur had a smile always make people feel at ease, ur laughter makes u think it not nice but to me its so sexy,ur sweet kind gentleness make people want to be around u, ur way of speak make people want to be attract with u more, ur eyes always wear contact lense but i know the true colour of ur eyes,ur hair when i caress it felt so smooth, ur lips ur sweet gentle lips makes are good with the words u use,ur cheek even thot u say its make u look chubby but to me it looks cute-